Evelyn Lau Evelyn Lau is an author with which I can identify with. Her lack of humility gives rise to self-awareness. She does not hide under a mask of sorrow, she simply puts into words how she reacts and feels towards her lifes struggles. She does not convey a deep sense of hostility or arrogance, but merely addresses the conflicts through out her life with a graceful, honest manner. One can see how Evelyn allows herself to let go of all inhibitions and “secrets” through each of her works.
She can face her past, and acknowledge her pain, unlike most people. Her ability to do this is what gives every person an identity they can relate with; whether it be living on the streets, coping with a drug addiction, or “dealing” with a dysfunctional family. Evelyn, unlike most people, can pin point her torment. Her father was the center of her universe (Details 3), always loving, compassionate and with someone she could share her childhood dreams. However, their relationship ended abruptly while she was only ten years old.
This severed bond caused her much grief. She longed for love and affection, which her mother could not provide. Evelyns self loathing began while she was a per-adolescent ( Details 2). Her fathers emotional passivity caused Evelyn to destroy herself physically. She chose her body as her tool of destruction, for she felt, no one could control her body, not even her neurotic mother (Details 2). I do not think that Evelyn blames her fathers lack of love, on the fact that he lost his job(2). It seems to me that he lost himself, for he saw his daughter as a young woman; not as a child. This realization may have been the reason he faded from her life.
He lost touch with Evelyn’s child hood, and couldnt cope with the idea that his little girl was now a blossoming young lady. His selfishness caused her so much angst. She began to believe that her father and mother both disliked her presence, as a part of their family. (Details 3). At the age of nine Evelyn began reading Harlequin Romance novels(Details 4) as a way to vicariously feel love.
This “love” enabled her to escape the harsh reality that was her life. However ,”it ruined my idea of male female relationships” (Details 2) Evelyn began to believe that women were supposed to be weak, dependent creatures. And men were supposed to be older, handsome, stronger, ideal mates for the weak woman. Her notions of this streered her towards bulimia. Her bulimia took over her life. It was the one thing she thought she could control, and the one thing she thought she could hide.
But her perfect vision was one where she could continue her weak womanly characteristics (bulimia) and have a “father figure” mend her emotional scars. Her longing for love is what drew her to self-mutilation. In a sick sense I can see why she might have done this. She longed for the father she had as a young girl, to swoop her into his arms and caress her nightmares into oblivion. As a result of little fatherly love, Evelyn began her search for lovers which she classified as the “father figure”, like those in the romance novels, “I always had this thing for older men..I look for father figures all the time..” (Details 2). She openly admits that her search for men which can love her like a daughter is a perverse one, and one which causes many problems in the relationship (2). However, she continues this fantasy, and divulges her true feelings about children “I hate children..I cant imagine getting pregnant and having a child.
I think that would be horrible.” (1). This quote reveals to me that as a person Evelyn is selfish. She does not wish to share her “fatherly” lover with that of a child, for then both the child and the mother would be grasping for the fathers attention. As I read through Evelyns works, I have come to the conclusion that although she is able to pronounce her hatred she still has many skeletons in the closet. She will not face her father to this day, allowing regret, guilt, and anger to build inside of her (2).
Evelyn had reason to feel suppressed by her parents, but as a rising star one mustnt succumb to the idea that ones past is fiction in ones novel. And she has yet to reach that pinnacle of understanding.