.. des to bottle feed in order to give her infant the best “American start” is giving of herself in an equally healthy, but different way. The parent-infant (father as well as mother) relationship is a continuing process of adaptation to one another’s needs, and parents should be aware that all is not lost if early contact is not possible. However, it should emphasized that it should be the mother’s choice to determine how much time she spends with her infant in the hospital. “When it is possible for parents to be together with their babies, in privacy, for the first hour, and throughout the hospital stay, the most beneficial and supportive environment for the beginning of the bonding process is established”, (Kennell and Klaus 57).
According to Oaklander, “A most important behavioral system that serves to bind mother and infant together is the mothers interest in touching her baby” (Oaklander 151). Eye-to-Eye contact serves the purpose of giving a real identity or personification to the baby, as well as getting a rewarding feedback of the mother (Oaklander 45). The mother’s voice is another important element as well as entertainment. Although the infant moves in rhythm to his mother’s voice and thus may be driven to be affected by her. On the other hand, the infant’s movements according to Oaklander, may reward the mother and stimulate her to continue (Oaklander 136). Another important element is odor. Rolland Macfarlene in The Relationship Between Mother ad Neonate, found that by the 5th day of life, breastfeeding infants can discriminate their mother own breast pad from the breast pads from that of other mothers with significant reliability (Macfarlene 63).
Brazelton commenting on the bonding process says: The complexity of available systems for the mother to use in making the initial attachment to the baby are obviously a kind of fail-safe system for assuring the newborn of a caring environment. We should be aware of the richness of these and utilize as many as we can as we try to lock a new mother into her baby’s uniqueness (Brazelton 79). According to Claire Berman in her book Adult Children of Divorce Speaks out, parents need to understand that the bonding which will take place in the earlier stages of the infants life is very important in determining the overall type of individual that child will grow up to be (Berman 16). Mark A. Stewart in Raising a Hyperactive Child, says: ..There are some homes in which children are raised so permissively or so haphazardly that they are never taught how to listen to someone else. Neither are they taught how to stick to a task, or how to control their impulsive behavior because there never was a great bond created between the child and parents..(Stewart 23). Stewart continues by pointing out that these children will, of course be at a disadvantage when they venture outside the home, to school or to other children’s home or in other situations where they are injected to exert some control over their behavior (Stewart 23).
Stewart also stresses the importance of parents teaching their children how to socialize and behave in public. He says, “if there is a bond between the parents and child there will never be a problem when it comes to one parent getting the child to do what?s right” (Stewart 24). If a child has been brought up in a very unstructured environment without a reliable pattern to depend on, in a chaotic home atmosphere, he will tend to exhibit some of the traits of hyperactivity. As stated by Stewart there is a widespread but mistaken assumption that behavior determined by inheritance, or by damage to the brain cannot be influences. He believes that a mother’s love is one of the most powerful of all influences when it comes to what the child will be in the future (Stewart 30).
In dealing with the problem of disobedience in the child, Stewart goes on to say: The first and most important step in management is, that whatever a mother says, always must be done?. For this reason, do not require too much; and on no account allow your child to do at one time, what you have forbidden him to do at another (Stewart 127). Claire Berman explains that it is not only the mother-child bonding that is important, but also the father-mother-child that really counts. She explains that parents need to understand that their bonding should not be dissolve after 2,3,5 or even 10 years, it is something that should last a lifetime and be taken into consideration at every bend along the long and dread pathway of life (Berman 21). According to Susan Meyers in her book Who Will Take the Children? makes it clear that no one factor can be held responsible for shaping the kind of person one becomes or the ways in which an individual tends to look at things (Meyers 30). She further explains that many elements impact upon people’s lives, from the genes we inherit to the families we are born into and the communities in which the child grows up (Meyers 31).
As pointed out by Berman, “Divorce is one of the worst things that can happen between parents during the early years of a child?s life, not only can divorce break all the bonds which were previously established, but is something that can leave the children with lots of baggage.”(Meyers 30) Berman later points out that when children learn that a vow or bond can be broken (and divorce writes the end to the marital vow), they face life with uncertainty. When they do not receive the nurturing that?s needed, they are likely to enter into healthy relationships (Berman 35). Berman states the case of a thirty-four-year-old woman whose parents divorced when she was thirteen. The woman asks, “when your parents betray you and break the bond between them and their child, then who do you trust?” Is it a rhetorical question? She goes on to explain, “for years I had the feeling that everyone was out to get me. It took me a long time to trust anyone.” (Berman 36) Maybe now people (parents) will come to realize that bonding does not only refer to mutual affection between a baby and an adult.
But it is the phenomenon whereby adults become committed by a one-way flow of concern and affection for whom they have cared during the first months and years of life. Bibliography Berman, Claire. Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1991. Brazelton, Bob. The Early Mother-Infant Adjustment.
Amsterdam: Elsevier Publishing Co. 1973. Kennell, John and Marshall Klaus. Parent-Infant Bonding. Missouri: The C.V. Mosby Company, 1976. Macfarlene, Rolland.
The Relationship between Mother & Neonate. New York: Oxford University Press, 1978. Mercer, Joe. Mother’s Response to Their Infants with Defects. New York: Charles B. Slack Inc., 1974. Meyers, Susan.
Who Will Take the Children? Indianapolis/New – York: Bobbe-Mervil, 1983. Oaklander, Violet. Windows to our Children. Utah: Real People- Press, 1978. Robertson, J. A Baby in the Family: Loving and being loved.
London: Penguin Books, Ltd., 1982. Stewart, Mark A. Raising a Hyperactive Child. London: Harper and Row Publishers, 1973.